(The following editorial, written by my brother Zach West, was published in the “OU Daily” newspaper at the University of Oklahoma, just a couple of days after the initial printing of an article entitled “Some Save Lips for Marriage“.)Friday, November 14, 2008
I want to applaud and encourage the individuals written about in Wednesday’s “Some save lips for marriage” who have decided to hold off on kissing for the sake of their Biblical beliefs and the betterment of their relationships.
They are not the only ones out there who believe this way.
I will be marrying my lovely fiancée on Aug. 8 of next year. While we didn’t realize it until well into our relationship, the two of us have a similar story.
Namely, neither of us has ever kissed anyone, much less been sexually active.
Upon learning this exciting detail about each other, we decided to wait until our wedding day to kiss for the first time.
Now, instead of making out, we hang out – talking and growing closer every day. Instead of worrying about unplanned pregnancy, we eagerly discuss plans for our future life and children.
Instead of looking for protection, we protect each other. Kissing and sexual intimacy will come, all in due time.
And then we’ll have a lifetime to enjoy each other, without comparing, contrasting, and condemning based on the scars of past experiences.
No, it isn’t easy.
Actually, it has been an extremely difficult way to endure life in today’s over-sexed society, where supposedly guilt-free pornography parades around unashamedly on virtually every cable channel and Internet page.
But since when is life supposed to be easy?
As a Christian, I believe that Jesus, the son of God, became a man and gave himself up to be brutally murdered on a cross for my countless sins.
The least I can do is live for Him, and not for the ever-changing frivolities of this world.
Zach West, OU law student
I think that this is great, and I will probably encourage my kids to do the same. However, I want to caution people to not do this out of a subsconscious desire for self-righteousness. A good book on this is Boy Meets Girl by Josh Harris. He doesn’t kiss his girlfriend, but he admits that he did lust after her before getting married. I tried to do the same thing in my engagement, but found all kinds of other ways to go around the rule I had created (because the rule was no kissing, not no cuddling, no this, no that, etc.). Certainly, it’s not legalistic to honor one another by abstaining from certain sexual or intimate practices before marriage. However, this needs to be done out of a love for something greater (i.e. what you will have in the future), not merely a fear of breaking a rule or trying to look good before God. I pursued purity for the latter reason, and eventually, God called me on it. I know some people who flaunt their purity. I know a LOT of guys who relied upon a rule for purity instead of a greater love for God than sex, and they ALL fell into the sin they were trying to avoid. My advice is to save lips for marriage (if kissing gets you into trouble), get married as soon as you know that you’ve found the right person, and rely heavily on the grace of God, not a rule or regulation you heard on Focus on the Family. In my experience, anything else is playing with fire or just downright legalism.